Monday, August 30, 2004
I just had the greatest conversation with my friend Miranda. We were talking about all of the abnormal, kinky, and socially unacceptable behaviours that we would willingly partake in and we came up with quite a list. Just wait til next time I hang out with her and Greg and await the horrible tales that I come back with. Hell, give me a little time and I might conjure up some of my own for your freakish reading. We talked about shaving all sorts of areas, crossdressing, nude drunken parties, experimenting in same-sex affection, etc. Who knows which will actually be indulged in. You'll just have to wait and see.
In the meantime, quotes from my idol Jim Morrison, who applied it differently but it applies nonetheless:
"I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown."
"Let's just say I was testing the bounds of reality. I was curious to see what would happen. That's all it was: curiosity."
Oh, that's right, I didn't ever tell you guys about the first of the ilk. One day in Peachtree City I went out wearing a skort (guys, that is basically a skirt with builtin shorts underneath) and hung out with friends, went to wal-mart, etc. Interestingly, none of my friends noticed at all that I wasn't just wearing standard shorts. I guess it says something about them that they notice me for who I am, not what I wear.... or does it just say that they are more concerned with other things than me? Part two of that was when I went to a dollar theatre in Athens and I decided to wear a long black linen skirt. I felt more comfortable socially in that one because hair on legs doesn't show. It was fun. I'll do it again and not to crossdress, but as mentioned above, pair me with someone that could assist in the full application of supplies necessary to pass and I might even give that a whirl someday.
Friday, August 27, 2004
I've noticed something about the squirrels here that I don't see much of in other places but almost every squirrel here does it. They climb partially up a tree and then chase each other round and round the trunk of it. Why do they do that? Are they playful? horny? Or just predicting impending doom on the world?
UGA is a wonderful blend of the real and the surreal. While BYU was a nice campus and did have some amazing natural features in the mountains nearby, the school itself had a different atmosphere. Although I've not talked to as many people here, they seem much more real than the people at BYU. The latter are most of the time very nice but when it comes to church issues, which at BYU includes dress code, vocabulary, weekend plans, etc., they turn almost robotic. At BYU most of the architechture appears to be 50's or 70's era, but, while functional, it is not especially aesthetically appealing. Much of UGA's campus is surreal. Columns and large facades on the class buildings, variations from old wooden to modern palacial on the interiors, and the sheer multitude of buildings around on the hilled and decorated landscape make me feel as if this place is not real but only a dream. I come back to earth for class and homework, but even then I am more at ease because I do not have to be constantly on guard for and tripping over subtle church indoctrinations in the course materials or lecture notes. Because all people have biases, I have no doubts that there exist biases and personal objectives of the teachers embodied in the classes, but it doesn't bother me because it is not an institutional force.
Another thing that I've noticed is that at BYU they made very clear their goal of promoting "Zion" and the work of the church. It is everywhere there and they make sure to repeatedly tell you the mission of the university and therefore your mission (because who would feel differently than "inspired" leaders?). So far I have yet to hear any rhetoric here that places the institution above the individual students.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Today my english teacher said that an earlier class had found the essay we were supposed to read for today to be just "a long bitch session." How refreshing that students are honest and teachers are blunt here.
Jeremy, my neighbor, IM'd me today to tell me that he and his off-and-on girlfriend are holding a party on the 14th and are inviting those that support them to go to it. He is inviting me. I guess he doesn't understand me yet. I support both him and his girlfriend however due to the problems that they repeatedly have, I think they would be better off as friends or apart from each other. I think that it is best for both of them. It's kind of like saying that you support the country by opposing the war. (which is how I feel actually)
He told me that he would be inviting my brother because he supports the relationship. My brother is one of those types of people with short-sighted fanaticism. He will feel strongly about things without having any real reason to do so or substance to his argument. All it will take is someone he admires taking a stance. Jeremy tells him his side of the relationship and poof, Erik supports the relationship. I tell Erik my anti-church and anti-war beliefs and guess what he all of the sudden rabidly supoprts. I told Jeremy that I don't mind if Erik is there but that I will not have him drinking there (He's barely 17 -- even I didn't start until a month or two before I turned 20). Jeremy said that there would be a toast and I again asked if he intended to have Erik participate. He said that Susanna (his girlfriend) wanted everyone to.
Jeremy has a problem with taking responsibilities for his own desires. He will often project them onto others saying Person X wants Object Y/Event Z when in reality it is his desire and he feels it is more convincing if he projects the desire onto others.
I told him that I've been clear since the beginning that I do not want Erik drinking until he matures enough to handle it properly. He said that it would just be a simple shot of vodka or a beer. A little frustrated at his lack of respect for what I've told him repeatedly, I told him, and remember that I value Susanna as a friend, to "tell her that if that's what she wants then to go fuck herself -- I'm serious"
He still didn't understand, responding with "hes not drining though, hes just takig a shot to toast to everyone as being friends" to which I responded curtly that "taking a shot is drinking." Still not silenced, he protested, "and besides, you think he could stand a shot of blue w/o maing a stupid face and spitting it out."
If he dares to carry it out I'll have his hide.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
One difference I noticed today betwen BYU and UGA is the diversity of the student body and faculty here. It is apparent in more ways than just race, but that is a simple example. At BYU, I never had a non-caucasian teacher and I only ever had one non-mormon teacher. In my current schedule I have one caucasion teacher, two african american teachers, and a thai teacher.
The only mention of mormons all day was in my linguistics class with the thai teacher. She has a subconcious habit of pointing at things with her middle finger. Before last semester she didn't even realize that she did it or have any idea that it is an offensive gesture in this country. Last semester a student, mentioned as being a mormon, was the one that told her after class that it was offensive to them and that they would prefer the teacher not do it anymore.
Nothing much eventful happened for my birthday but that is okay. Because I was turning 21, I did, of course, make a stop by the liquor store. However, I did not get trashed because I had class the following day (today) and because doing that alone is no fun. So I just had a couple of drinks and decided that guiness tastes disgusting, bacardi black cherry malt drinks are good, and that amaretto is god. Much later in the day I decided that I wanted to see a movie for my birthday but I've already seen all of the movies that I am interested in at the cheap theatre, so I was required to attend at a regular theatre. Lacking cash, I put all of my change into the change machine at Kroger and it barely sufficed but was sufficient for me to see Exorcist: The Beginning which I did personally enjoy.
While I was talking to my little sister on the telephone, she said that my mom said no drinking, and she (my sister) supported that statement saying that if I did she would come up here and spank me. I guess she doesn't know the adult definition of spanking.
I was hoping that coming here would be a new chapter in my life of independence. No church to hold me down and a more socially liberal culture. Unfortunately I forgot about the family aspect. My mother, knowing full well that I do not believe in the mormon religion, still tries to get me to conform to it. When all of the rest of my friends turned 21, they were able to drink at home just fine and some even had their parents give them their first drink. I have no religious reasons not to drink and I personally enjoy to do so. My mother does believe it is religiously wrong and that she has the right and duty to try to enforce her beliefs upon me. I don't mind if she doesn't approve because that would be natural, but trying to impose is wrong. She doesn't realize that while she is (or at least was in my formative years) responsible for teaching me "correct" principles, she is not responsible for how I turn out.
Has anyone found a way to break these chains without jeapordizing the family relationship and estranging yourself from those close to you?
I also learned that my neighbor recommended to one of my mormon friends in Peachtree City that he contact the mormon church up here and have them send people to fellowship me. My mother keeps recommending to me that I go to the "excellent" church institute program up here. I want nothing to do with the church. I knew this onslaught was coming.
I've also been trying to figure out what sort of social life I desire here. Of course, one at all is generally considered desirable, however, during all of my critical periods of personal development thus far I have been restricted by various social institutions such as church and school. I would like to be able to experiment with things and looks and lifestyles and worldviews with the intent of either finding something I like better to find a truer me or to have enough experience to assure myself that I am doing the right thing for me personally.
With that in mind, the idea that kept running through my head this morning was that "the problem with knowing anybody is that when they judge you it matters." As long as I drift I can experiment more harmlessly because it doesn't really matter to me what those I don't know think of it. However, I form some kind of subconcious bond with anyone that I get to know at all and suddenly their opinion matters. The longer you sit still the more becomes concrete.
I don't want a lonely, wandering existence but neither do I want to be bound again only under a different name for the binding force than before.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Well, yesterday I moved to Athens. Everything is still a mess and only a few things are put in place where I want them to be. I currently have no furniture and am trying to decide what furniture I will want both stylistically and in what pieces I have at all. In the meantime I sleep on a pad on the floor. I have been able to register for a sufficient number of classes but the times are all spread out so I need to find something better if possible. If not, at least I have something that will suffice. Once I get internet at the apartment I will be back to updating here more often.
One problem with Athens... the public busses stop running at about 6:45PM. Just how on earth am I supposed to have a night life when parking is hard to find and expensive and there will obviously be some nights that I will be incapable of driving at all and the busses don't run late enough to get me home? I found out the hard way that they stop running that early and had to walk back to the apartment complex on my visit last week. It took an hour. Not something I want to do often, even sober.
I turn 21 tomorrow.
Friday, August 13, 2004
Before I forget... my mother is currently writing up a long trip report about the Japan/Australia/New Zealand/Hawai'i trip that I've been promising to post on ever since we got back. Due to the laziness in me, I have come up with the best way to do it. I will post a link to her report and then post here with an addendum to include my personal experiences and those that I took in my notes (which I did manage to successfully recover after believing they were lost to this world)
Well, they put the damned braces on day before yesterday and ever since I've been wishing it were 14 months later. They hurt, I can't chew again, and my jaw feels stiff to open. On top of that the things just feel bulky in there.
Internet access at home is broken again so posts will be sparse. [hypothetical reader's note: hasn't that already been the case?] I'm still behind on school paperwork and such but I'm working on a large todo list today which will hopefully facilitate my going to Athens soon to finalize things.
Any idea where I can get a lot of money real quick? Most loans won't give you money for around 5 days. I need it tomorrow.
Found a contracting position for computer work in perl that I might be able to do to offset some of my school expenses. Sounds like it pays pretty well and provides a decent amount of work. Sounds perfect, right? Well, if I knew perl it would. I'm off to go learn it now.
Monday, August 09, 2004
Today my mom asked me if I am sexually active. When I told her that I am not, she asked me if I am practicing to become active. Kinda wondering "what the fuck," I replied that no I am not. She told me to stay that way. Almost 21 years old (23 August) and she's still trying to get the info on and control those sorts of aspects of my life. Damn.