Wednesday, July 20, 2005
My family and I operate in completely different worlds it appears. It is, to me, an amazing milemarking post in my development that I can show such different views while losing much of the stigma/guilt associated with them that was drilled into me for years.
When my family came to visit Athens yesterday, I decided to hide the skirts, shoes, etc. and just avoid raising that whole issue while they were here. I did, however, decide to leave my alcohol in the fridge/freezer. I was worried that leaving it there would make it look like I drink a lot instead of just having a fair stock of things. I'm still not sure which impression they got. My little sisters got mad at me for having it and my mom was "disappointed" to hear that I didn't have it for cooking purposes. Seriously, what can you cook with gin anyway? My mom knows that I have or do drink occasionally but I think she thought I restricted myself to wine (which actually most of the time I do). The alcohol+family equation has come up on exmormon lists and so it was funny to watch it play out in time honored tradition. In the real world, drinking alcohol is a common and accepted practice and many parents even drink with their 21 year old children or host their first time getting drunk. My mom said that it should be expected that my little sisters would be surprised to find alcohol in my fridge (this despite the fact that they heard about all the alcoholic drinks I've tried sometime last week). The tone of voice she said it in kind of implied that I shouldn't have had it where they could have stumbled across it. Well, forgive me for not following your standards in my house!
Then, while we were out to eat downtown, my mother decided it was in my best interest if she tried to create a social life for me, so she started asking one of the workers what he does for fun and dragged me over to have him tell me what sorts of things there are to do in Athens. He mentioned without guilt or hesitation that he is gay and I accepted it as normal. When I mentioned that part to my family, my little sisters kinda freaked about it (though they did manage to mostly keep their mouths shut about his tattoos and piercings). They kept saying things apprehensively as if the fact that he is gay made it where we shouldn't be talking to him or getting advice from him. I mentioned it to my mom only because she was suggesting to him her idea that I should invite people over and I didn't want her to give him the wrong impression. I was afterall carrying a purse with shaved legs and I wouldn't put it past some parents of gay children to try to get their child dates. So, I brought it up just so that she could be a little more careful how she worded things and instead she just got disappointed and said that it is too bad that he is gay. When I asked her to explain her statement, she responded that homosexuality takes away so many good guys from girls. After a few more remarks I just got angry with them all and told them that it is a good thing they are moving out of sheltered and conservative Peachtree City because there are so many things in the real world that are just completely normal and accepted that they keep making a big deal out of.
My mom is so paradoxical in that way. She is friends with gay men at work and works with all sorts of different people at the airport. She has traveled plenty and is open to many new experiences. However, despite her "all people are basically good" theory, on top of all of that she makes all sorts of very black and white moral judgments on people. To me, diversity is a good thing and differences are not good/bad or better/worse in some moral or universal sense. Sexual orientation is no exception. Piercings are no exception. My mom tried to counter that I live in a liberal town where things are more permissive than the rest of the world.
My silent response... if this is as liberal as it gets then I'm fucked.