Thursday, September 20, 2007
So I was talking to (or being lectured by, depending on how you perceive it) my aunt and grandma today about job stuff. We were talking about the level of conformity required. Of course they don't think it is a big deal and gave examples of how we have to conform all over the place in life. I made the point that while I do sell out enough to wear the white shirt and tie to a job interview, it still bothers me that I do even that. My aunt made a big deal out of how if I hadn't cut my nails it might have made the employer think I was a transvestite and it would scare them. Ah, the irony. But really, why the fuck should something like that bother people anyway? Fucky scared pricks. It really seems like it is more difficult to hate people than to just accept people. Society is full of masochists and sadists I guess.
So, after this discussion I had one of those moments where suddenly you understand what a song is about. The song in this instance is "Height of Callousness" by Spineshank. I had never really understood what the song was talking about and thought it was bizarre that the band would be saying "fuck integrity". Well, I finally get it. Basically the narrator is someone who was destroyed by society pressuring him to conform. The judgemental society slowly forced him to destroy himself and confuse him until they seemed right. They destroyed his sense of self and his integrity and society's message itself is "Fuck Integrity". Society is trying to destroy you and make you a zombie no matter how much you struggle to maintain your own integrity.
I really relate to this song because I feel like society is trying to do the same thing to me with this job search. If I am to give in and forsake my integrity and fully sell out to them, I think I would become callous and feel destroyed just like the narrator does and I don't want that. How then can one maintain integrity and still survive in this world?